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Nurse Discusses ‘Shame’ Healthcare Providers Feel If They Test Positive For Coronavirus After Tre…

so it's difficult for me frustrating for you trying to help people and then also is frustrating to you as a patient right yeah um it's funny nurses always put patients first it's just part of what we do as people and so more so than even being worried about

our own safety we're truly worried about our patients safety and if we don't know if we're infected and and we're told to go to work and take care of patients let's remember most patients in our hospital system don't have Co good right now they have heart attacks stroke

diabetes hypertension the things that we worry about for people that get Kovan and how can we protect them if we're not protecting ourselves and that's the moral dilemma that every provider is feeling right now it was against the ethical code that we've ever had in practice so if

you spend nine days not knowing if you have it and days before that before you were even tested you could have unknowingly been interacting with cardio-pulmonary patients and infecting them not knowing you're carrying the virus absolutely and that was my concern when I called on Monday of last

week and I said you know I'm worried about patients I'm going to see a lot of patients a lot of health care providers super weak and in the back of my mind I thought about the week prior when I had that chest tightness and and thinking to myself

oh my gosh I was in touch with patients all week long did I did I harm anyone was I infected am i infected and and I've talked to other providers that are positive and they feel the same amount of shame and it's it's really hard because it's something

that's so out of our control right now um but it's it's really really difficult to kind of grasp well I heard the story of a nurse in Italy that tested positive and actually committed suicide reportedly from the guilt she felt for having infected possibly infected infecting a whole

lot of others yeah it's real I mean I can tell you last week when I got sick and when the country started shutting down and you know dealing with the unknown what I have going on dealing with the kind of anticipatory breach that health care providers are feeling

of this cloud coming over them the mental health struggles become real and I reached out to a lot of my colleagues and we don't like to talk about it we don't like to say that we're not well or that we're scared and we are we really are and

you're in isolation now so I am home in self quarantine I was told last Monday to go home and self isolate away from my husband and we from animal and and I did that I said yes that's what I'm gonna do and I didn't last very long I

mean the mental health struggles that come from self isolation alone on top of being sick on top of a pandemic are real and I'm not saying that other people shouldn't do that but it was a discussion between me and my husband that what was best for us and

for my health was to be together and and so that's what we decided to do so the two of us are self quarantine in the house right now okay and do you feel like you're on demand at this point yeah you know I was talking to a friend

who's also similar symptoms to me denied testing and he said every day has been a little bit better for him I feel like I've had some good days and some bad days today I feel a lot better I just feel wiped out I feel like you know I've

run through the differentials in my mind I'm like do I have gastroenteritis like what are my other options if this comes back negative so you know I still have some low-grade fevers I'm I have a lot of malaise and some nausea but I feel I'm getting better are

you concerned that you may infect your husband of course of course I am you know that's why I wanted so badly to self isolate to protect him and it's funny because he was like Megan you know if you have it I have it too probably

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